Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Senior Thursday

While historically, grandparents hand over care of children once their own are married and have their own families, today’s economy is forcing many extended families to live under the same roof or combine parenting services. 

Almost 5.8 children are living in homes with their grandparents in the United States.  Of these, more than 2.5 million grandparents are taking on the responsibility for these children.  Often it is because the parents are both working.  Sometimes it is because the parents are not emotionally or physically able to care for the kids. 

Whatever the reason, this places added stress on elderly grandparents who may be physically challenged themselves.  This may put a strain on family relations as well.  Here are some helpful hints on creating a secure, warm environment for these children, their parents and grandparents.

·         Remember that the parents are the decision-makers when it comes to their children.  Respect their wishes.

·         Keep the lines of communication open.  Even though the parents are the decision-makers, grandparents should voice their opinions on matters where the child may be better off otherwise.  For example, if a grandchild shares stories with the grandparent about issues at school, and the child no longer wants to attend after-school care, the grandparent should inform the parents of these problems. 

·         Don’t rely on grandparents 24/7.  They need a break from parenting also.  Ultimately, children are the responsibility of the parents, not the grandparents.  So let them have time off and go on vacations.

·         Keep extensive records on school, health, legal and financial records for the children.  Create a binder to hold all this information.

·         Strive for consistency.  Keep the family on a routine.  If everyone knows what to expect, days will go more smoothly.  Everyone should know bedtime routines, mealtime routines, etc. 

·         Make the home safe for everyone.  This should include child-proofing the house, and keeping grandparents safe from falls and such.  Children’s toys can create a hazard for seniors, who aren’t as stable on their feet as younger adults.

·         Everyone should have a sense of privacy.  This would be a room of their own, and private spaces for relaxing or having phone conversations.

The Importance of Sharing Memories

Senior Thursday

How many times have you heard from surviving children after their parents have died that they wished they would have learned more about their heritage?  Too often, we are so absorbed in our own lives, that we don't take the time to learn about theirs.  And when they are gone, it's too late.

It is important to talk to your parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles now.  At your next family gathering, ask them about their childhoods. 

Here are some questions to ask to start the discussion:

SCHOOL/EDUCATION

·         How many children were in their classes at school?

·         How large was their graduating class? 

·         How many years of schooling did they have?

·         What was their favorite subject?

·         Which teacher made the biggest impression on them?

FAMILY

·         How large was their family?

·         Were they the oldest/youngest?

·         Where did they grow up?

·         How big was their home?

ENTERTAINMENT

·         How did they celebrate birthdays?

·         Did they go on family vacations?  If so, where and when?

·         What did they do for fun on Saturday evenings?

·         How much did admission to a baseball game cost?

This is just the beginning of wonderful stories and wonderful conversations.  But don't stop there.  Write down what they tell you.  Keep these notes in a journal or transfer them to your computer.  You'll have those memories forever.

May is for Mothers--Grandmothers

Since May is the month for mothers, we are devoting our blog entries to these moms. We will give tips for moms at all stages of life--new moms, moms of toddlers, step-moms and grandmothers. Every child and every day bring new experiences and new challenges. If prepared, these changes will be easier to handle.

GRANDMOTHERS

You've raised your own, they're out of the house, and it's nice and quiet. Until...the grandchildren arrive! Suddenly, your home becomes an obstacle course, and Saturday evenings include diaper changes again. Here are some tips to help you get through the years and still have your own life.

• First and foremost--Take Care of YOU! You are the most important person in your life. If you can't function, you can't help or nurture others.
• Set boundaries. Don't let your children take advantage of free babysitting. Offer to help, but don't let it take over your life. If you want two or three days a week for your own activities, let your children know up front what days you are/are not available.
• Baby proof your home again. This is especially important with prescription medications and cleaning supplies. Meds can look like candy--don't leave your pills laying around.
• If you are watching your grandchildren on a regular basis, purchase your own toys and equipment so mom and dad don't have to pack it up all the time. This will also be safer for the child, rather than improvising things like stacked phone books on a chair instead of a booster seat.
• Have extra clothing on hand for emergency changes.
• Only do what you are capable of. If you have a bad back, don't offer to watch toddlers that are heavy to lift. If you don't have an approved car seat, don't offer to drive them to day care or pre-school.
• Follow mom and dad's rules. If they say 'no' to something like soda pop for a toddler, don't go behind their backs.
• When you are looking to downsize, keep the family situation in mind. Are you babysitting on a regular basis? Are the children older? Do they stay overnight for visits? Are there amenities close by or on the grounds that they could enjoy also?
• Don't empty your home by giving everything to your children/grandchildren. Ask them what they want, and let them have those items. Then give away the rest. Don't clutter their homes with things they won't appreciate as much as you did.
• Ask for help. If you can't downsize, pack and move all at the same time, hire some help. Save your time for the important things--yourself and your family.