Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Senior Thursday

While historically, grandparents hand over care of children once their own are married and have their own families, today’s economy is forcing many extended families to live under the same roof or combine parenting services. 

Almost 5.8 children are living in homes with their grandparents in the United States.  Of these, more than 2.5 million grandparents are taking on the responsibility for these children.  Often it is because the parents are both working.  Sometimes it is because the parents are not emotionally or physically able to care for the kids. 

Whatever the reason, this places added stress on elderly grandparents who may be physically challenged themselves.  This may put a strain on family relations as well.  Here are some helpful hints on creating a secure, warm environment for these children, their parents and grandparents.

·         Remember that the parents are the decision-makers when it comes to their children.  Respect their wishes.

·         Keep the lines of communication open.  Even though the parents are the decision-makers, grandparents should voice their opinions on matters where the child may be better off otherwise.  For example, if a grandchild shares stories with the grandparent about issues at school, and the child no longer wants to attend after-school care, the grandparent should inform the parents of these problems. 

·         Don’t rely on grandparents 24/7.  They need a break from parenting also.  Ultimately, children are the responsibility of the parents, not the grandparents.  So let them have time off and go on vacations.

·         Keep extensive records on school, health, legal and financial records for the children.  Create a binder to hold all this information.

·         Strive for consistency.  Keep the family on a routine.  If everyone knows what to expect, days will go more smoothly.  Everyone should know bedtime routines, mealtime routines, etc. 

·         Make the home safe for everyone.  This should include child-proofing the house, and keeping grandparents safe from falls and such.  Children’s toys can create a hazard for seniors, who aren’t as stable on their feet as younger adults.

·         Everyone should have a sense of privacy.  This would be a room of their own, and private spaces for relaxing or having phone conversations.

The Importance of Sharing Memories

Senior Thursday

How many times have you heard from surviving children after their parents have died that they wished they would have learned more about their heritage?  Too often, we are so absorbed in our own lives, that we don't take the time to learn about theirs.  And when they are gone, it's too late.

It is important to talk to your parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles now.  At your next family gathering, ask them about their childhoods. 

Here are some questions to ask to start the discussion:

SCHOOL/EDUCATION

·         How many children were in their classes at school?

·         How large was their graduating class? 

·         How many years of schooling did they have?

·         What was their favorite subject?

·         Which teacher made the biggest impression on them?

FAMILY

·         How large was their family?

·         Were they the oldest/youngest?

·         Where did they grow up?

·         How big was their home?

ENTERTAINMENT

·         How did they celebrate birthdays?

·         Did they go on family vacations?  If so, where and when?

·         What did they do for fun on Saturday evenings?

·         How much did admission to a baseball game cost?

This is just the beginning of wonderful stories and wonderful conversations.  But don't stop there.  Write down what they tell you.  Keep these notes in a journal or transfer them to your computer.  You'll have those memories forever.

March 12 is Genealogy Day

Tips for Conducting Searches

Gathering and finding information can be a daunting task. When you start going back on your family tree, there are families with eight, nine, ten children, and sometimes more. Sons may marry someone with the same name as a sister. Brothers may marry sisters from another family. After a while, you begin wondering who your family members really are. Here are some search tips to help you keep your facts straight:

• Talk with as many family members as possible to get any hints or facts than you can.


• Compare what you learned from family members with what you find on the internet.


• Look at old family photographs and identify the people and their relationship to you.


• Consider your source on the internet--is it an historically reliable site?


• Even Ancestry.com contains errors--it's all in how the handwriting is determined.


• Connect with others who are researching the same family members.


• Print out and compare any historical documents that you can.


• Use additional sources such as cemetery, church and school records.


• Document sources for your information in case you have to check facts at a later date.


• Use the library for access to archives


• Research your family's coat of arms to identify its origin


• Find whatever free sites you can for conducting your search, as it can be extensive!

Finally--have fun! Who knows what or who you may find at the top of your family tree. We're still looking for that princess my husband's uncle told stories about. Is he royalty?